


Do Your Research...Please

by Creej



Category: White Collar
Genre: Crack, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 10:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11757660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creej/pseuds/Creej
Summary: Neal is a little ticked off when a writer doesn't know him well enough...(Horrible summary, I know.)





	Do Your Research...Please

**Author's Note:**

> Just a piece of crack that the muse dumped on me...

"Oh for...Who wrote this?" Neal asked, disgust coloring his voice as he dropped the stack of paper on the Burke's dining room table.

"What's the problem?" Peter asked, looking up from the papers he was reading - not a case file for once.

"They have me with a gun, Peter. A _gun_. If they'd done any research at all, they'd know I don't like them. I'm a non-violent white collar criminal turned FBI consultant. That was established in the pilot."

"Let me see. What page?" Peter asked.

"Page two," Neal said then quoted. "Neal saw the gun skitter across the floor and stop near his feet. A quick glance at his partner told him Peter was in no shape to do much of anything, bleeding profusely from the bullet wound in his shoulder..."

"Hey, at least it's my shoulder this time," Peter said, looking somewhat impressed.

"Yeah, it's usually a chest shot," Neal said. "Shall I continue?" At Peter's gesture, he resumed reading. "Neal grabbed the gun and aimed it at the suspect with a calmness that belied the anger that was boiling inside him."

"Maybe they confused you with Bryce Larkin, CIA operative," Peter said. "I understand you two look remarkably alike."

"I'd rather be confused with Cooper Anderson," Neal said. "I like singing better than guns. A _lot_ better."

"Well, like you told me, just because you don't like guns doesn't mean you can't use them."

"But that scene doesn't even imply that I don't like them," Neal said.

Peter read further. "Yeah, I see what you mean," he said. "And it's been established that the team is on the way and the suspect dropped his weapon."

"Yeah, that's the one I picked up," Neal said. "Except I wouldn't have. I'd have kicked it to the side."

"So they got you a little out of character," Peter said. "No need to stress over it. Besides, you've fired a gun twice so far - once at Avery's place and once at Fowler."

"I shot twice at Avery's," Neal said.

"Don't nitpick, you know what I meant."

"What's the problem, hon?" Elizabeth asked, coming out of the kitchen, wiping her hands.

"Writer has Neal with a gun and no mention that he doesn't like them," Peter answered.

"Maybe they're first time," Elizabeth said, looking over her husband's shoulder. She let out a sigh. "Shoulder wound again?" she asked.

"Eh, better than a chest or gut shot," Peter said. "No real danger of dying." He looked up at Neal. "At least it's not slash as far as I can tell," he said with a smirk and Elizabeth stifled a laugh.

Neal let out his own sigh. "Yeah," he said. "I'd just like to know why they usually have you top."

"Probably because he looks and acts more alpha male than you do," Elizabeth said reasonably.

"Well, would you rather be a bottom or a serial killer?" Peter asked.

"Serial killer? Are you serious?" Neal asked, aghast.

"It's just one of the AUs out there."

"Well, I prefer _this_ universe, where I'm a con - who doesn't like guns - and I'm partnered with you," Neal said.

"You should know you can't put limits on imagination, sweety," Elizabeth said. "If the writer wants to make you a serial killer, a vampire or an FBI agent, they can. If they want you and Peter together or us in a threesome, there's not much any of us can do."

At Neal's somewhat scandalized look, Peter raised his brows. "Don't tell me you're a prude, Neal," he said.

"No...no, it's not that," Neal said, waving him off. "It's just..." He huffed angrily. "No one told me they could get inside my head. That's not _fair_!"

"You know..." Peter said, exchanging a look with Elizabeth.

"Well, he _did _just say..." Elizabeth returned before they pinned Neal with a look.__

__"Wait...you mean...really!?" Neal asked, eyes wide._ _

__In response, Peter lay the story on the table then he and Elizabeth bracketed him, their intentions quite clear and Neal swallowed. "The writers are going to love this," he said as they pulled him upstairs._ _


End file.
